Nex-Narcissistic Ex (can also be NH or NexH for Narcissistic husband or Narcissistic Ex-Husband)
NMom/NDad Narcissistic Mom or Narcissisitic Dad
EMom/EDad Enabler Mom or Enabler Dad
MIL/FIL Mother in Law or Father In Law (can also be AIL-Aunt in law, UIL uncle inlaw, etc)
FOO Family of Origin-Blood related or Traditional family members such as Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Uncle, Aunt, Cousin, Nephew, etc.
FOC Family of Choice-A support system that replaces FOO to provide support, friendship, love and become a new family of sorts for you of your own choice.
JADE Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain-Things you don’t need to do with an abuser about your own feelings or boundaries.
Cluster B Personality Disorders Psychological conditions that appear in adolescence or early adulthood, continue over many years, and cause a great deal of distress. Personality disorders often disrupt a person's ability to enjoy life or find fulfillment in relationships, work, or school. They are characterized by dramatic, over-emotional, or unpredictable (erratic) thinking or behavior. The Cluster B personality disorders are also the most common of the personality disorders described in DSM-5.
NPD Narcissistic Personality Disorder (a Cluster B PD)
BPD Borderline Personality Disorder (a Cluster B PD)
ASPD Antisocial Personality Disorder (a Cluster B PD)
HPD Histrionic Personality Disorder (a Cluster B PD)
CN Covert Narcissist
Cognitive Dissonance This is the feeling of uncomfortable tension which comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time. For example, "Person A loves, respects and values me. Person A punched me in the face." In this example, Person As behavior suggests the other statement is not accurate. It can be very disorienting and causes a great deal of conflict within when two accepted things contradict each other
ACON Adult Child of a Narcissist
FLEAs Frightening Lasting Effects of Abuse, and narcissistic-like behavior traits displayed by a non-narcissist, generally learned behaviors from having been raised by a narcissist and not knowing what is normal for the situation
FM Flying Monkey-As in “The Wizard of Oz” the Wicked Witch sends the monkeys to fly and do her bidding, the Narcs tend to manipulate others into doing their bidding and harassing you or wearing you down and isolating you
Hoovering the N’s attempt to bring an “escaped” or discarded victim back into the fold in order to resume the Nsupply. Previously ignoring Ns might suddenly become inexplicably attentive, previously engulfing Ns may offer unexpected apologies for vague previous transgressions, whatever it takes to get the victim back into the fold and resume Nsupply much like a vacuum cleaner.
FOG Fear, Obligation and Guilt-tools of manipulative people designed to get you to do what they want with the threat of isolation or that you are a bad person if you don’t give them what they want
DARVO Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender
Gaslighting a form of manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or members of a group, hoping to make targets question their own memory, perception, and sanity. Using persistent denial, misdirection, contradiction, and lying, it attempts to destabilize the target and delegitimize the target's belief. Instances may range from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. The term owes its origin to a 1938 play Gas Light and its 1944 film adaptation. It has been used in clinical and research literature, as well as in political commentary.
Love-Bombing Love Bombing is a seductive tactic that is used when someone who is manipulative tries to control the relationship with bombs brimming with “love” right from day one. It often takes place within whirlwind romances and is usually directed by sociopaths or narcissists
Idealize, Devalue & Discard Idealization is the first phase in this constant cycle that is the Narcissist. The "pedestal phase" as many refer to it. This is when the N is totally and utterly pulling out all the stops to get you hooked. They will move mountains for your very happiness. They love everything about you and let you know it. They are in constant contact with you, making plans, wanting to see you. Once the N knows that their supply is on the hook, they slowly reel you in. Devalue is the second phase. Now that you are hooked, which with all that attention and loving being thrown your way, was probably fast, get ready because it is time to meet the person you are really with. Discard is the third and final phase. Once they have sucked every bit of your energy and life out of you they will throw you away with cold blooded heartlessness. Throughout the devaluing phase the victim has tirelessly tried to figure out what they did to make the N turn on them. The N has made it very clear throughout the devaluing phase that everything was the victims fault. The victim is tired and repressed. By this point they probably have become so withdrawn they have little to no social life left. The N has succeeded in isolating and degrading the victim’s self-esteem. Since the victim can no longer provide any source of supply, the N will then leave them without a second glance.
LC-Low contact limited contact based upon what you decide is good for you. Reducing the speed in how you respond to attempts to contact you, keeping it only to say Birthday Cards once a year. Maybe visits at the holidays. It’s putting you into control but still staying in some form of contact that you feel comfortable with. Can also be VLC, Very Low Contact, maybe once a year or every other year for contact with them if they are family
NC-No contact Actively blocking them from contacting you by phone, text, email, social media or other apps. Removing their ability to get to you. Protecting yourself from abuse.
Future Faking Calling out a narcissist as a pathological liar is not as important as pin pointing the type of lying that he does that really cuts us to the core: future-faking. By this, I mean that the narcissist talks about or hints at a future together to get what they want from us right now. Indeed, their innate ability to future-fake is probably the narcissist’s most effective tactic for managing down our expectations and the biggest reason for why we stay in a relationship that is obviously so bad for us. In other words, it’s the depth and breadth of the lie that we become tethered to because it speaks to our heart’s desires…to what we’ve wanted all along. The narcissist, of course, knows this and thus will use his knowledge of our heartfelt desires to string us along until the end of time. It’s the part of the narcissistic pathological relationship agenda that lends itself to the fact that there is no boundary that a narcissist will not cross to get what they want in the moment that they want it.
Learned Helplessness When a person begins to believe that they have no control over a situation, even when they do.
Cycle of Abuse This is the ongoing rotation between destructive and constructive behavior which is typical of many dysfunctional relationships and families.
Low Functioning Where a disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.
High Functioning A High-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is able to conceal their dysfunctional behavior in certain public settings and maintain a positive public or professional profile while exposing their negative traits to family members behind closed doors.
Boundaries Guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.
Narcissistic Sabotage Any action designed to hurt, or damage the interests of another person or group for the purpose of making a direct, personal gain.
Narcissistic Supply It can feel like you have to perform "mental gymnastics" from dealing with the lying (even when confronted with undeniable proof ), the gaslighting, the triangulation, the projection, the constant contradictions, the manipulation, blame-shifting, the charm they lay on, the inflated sense of self - even subtle forms of torture, such as sleep deprivation, these people inflict on their victims - appears to be conscious and calculated to push the target of their "affections" past their limits, into surrender - and ultimately into total compliance - as a source of Narcissistic Supply.
Normalizing A tactic used to desensitize an individual to abusive, coercive or inappropriate behaviors. In essence, normalizing is the manipulation of another human being to get them to agree to, or accept something that is in conflict with the law, social norms or their own basic code of behavior.
Codependency A relationship in which an otherwise mentally-healthy person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected by an addiction or mental illness.
Enabler A person who habitually attempts to placate another by sacrificing their own or other family members needs in a misguided attempt to keep the peace.
Enabling A pattern of behavior, often adopted by abuse victims, which seeks to avoid confrontation and conflict by absorbing the abuse without challenging it or setting boundaries. The perpetrator of the abuse is thus "enabled" to continue their pattern of behavior.
Sabotage The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.
Fear of Abandonment An irrational belief that one is imminent danger of being personally rejected, discarded or replaced.
Silent Treatment A passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse in which displeasure, disapproval and contempt is exhibited through nonverbal gestures while maintaining verbal silence.
Sleep Deprivation The practice of routinely interrupting, impeding or restricting another person's sleep cycle to abuse or harass and stress them.
Smear Campaign A series of false accusations meant to turn others against you, to ruin professional reputation. This can also benefit the person doing the smearing by making the victims true statements or accusations look like an attempt to attack the smearer.
Grooming The predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.
Stockholm Syndrome When a hostage, kidnap victim or abuse victim develops a sense of loyalty or co-operation towards their captor or abuser, disregarding the abuse or the danger and protecting or sustaining the perpetrator.
Triangulation Gaining an advantage over perceived rivals by manipulating them into conflicts with each other.
DARVO Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. A behavior of perpetrators of wrongdoing (especially sexual offenders), when accused of attacking their victim, reversing the roles of victim and offender.