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How she looked when she wrote Samuel.  A photo of  Jo Kemp and her son Luke in the 1970s, during the nascent stage of her writing career.

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Vintage 1980s Children Book – Samuel The Sliding Sausage

This book is all about Samuel and yes, he’s a sausage. Vintage 1980s Children’s book “Samuel The Sliding Sausage”. 

Title: Samuel The Sliding Sausage
Publish Date: 1980
ISBN: 85985 140 0
Author:Jo Kemp
Illustrator: Peter Beard

jo kemp vintage 1980s childrens books author optimized

A photo of  Jo Kemp and her son Luke in the 1970s at around the time she wrote this story.

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1980 Children Book – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 1

Samuel’s great day had arrived. At exactly eight o’clock he sat on the breakfast plate with his friends Tom and Toe the tomatoes, Braden the bacon, Engle the egg and Fred the fried bread.
It was the day they had been waiting for, the day they had been made for, and they all got rather excited.
“I bet I’m liked the best!” boasted Engle the egg, and Fred the fried bread thought of a joke.

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1980 Children Book  – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 2

“What did the bacon say to the egg?” asked Fred.
Nobody knew.
“Lean over and tell us a yoke!” he replied. At first, Samuel didn’t get it. And then he did. “Oh, lean like bacon and yoke like joke,” he laughed, and he laughed so much he fell off the plate.
And bounced a few times on the floor!

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1980 Children Book – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 3

“Oh dear!” cried everyone as they peered over the plate. “Quick, you’d better get back.” “How?” wailed Samuel.
“Bounce,” they all replied.
So Samuel bounced. Not very well at first, but then he got better and better.
Boing! Boing! Boing! he went and bounced high in the air.

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1980 Children Book  – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 4

And landed head-first in the butter.

Splosh!

“Oh!” Samuel said, slipping and sliding around.

And he slipped and slid and slithered until Whoops! – he slipped and landed on the floor again.

Boing! And everybody laughed.

Samuel tried again.

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1980 Children Book – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 5

Boing! Boing! Boing! Samuel bounced and went high into the air, and landed feet first in the marmalade.
Squelch!
“Ugh!” he groaned as he sank into the sticky squelchy marmalade.
And he pulled and pulled to get himself out until he pulled too hard.
And landed on the floor again.
“Out of one jam into another,” joked Engle the egg.
“A sticky situation,” added Fred.

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1980 Children Book  – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 6

Samuel picked himself up to try again but he could hardly manage one ‘Boing!’ let alone three, so he let out a big cry for help.
“Help!”
Just then, Crankworth the cat strolled in and looked greedily at poor helpless Samuel.
Now everyone knows that most cats like sausages. But Crankworth, he really loves sausages. To eat!
“I’ll help you little sausage,” he purred. “Jump into my mouth.”
Braden the bacon couldn’t look. “Don’t do it Sam!” he called. “He’ll eat you all up!”

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1980 Children Book – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 7

“You wouldn’t do that… would you?” asked
Samuel.
“Who, me?” smiled Crankworth with a wicked look in his eyes.
“Don’t listen Samuel!” called Engle the egg. “Don’t listen to him,” purred Crankworth, and he opened his mouth very wide.
Now what do you think Samuel should do? Would you jump into Crankworth’s
wide-open mouth?
No! Not for all the coconuts in Constantinople.
But Samuel was going to. Silly-billy Samuel.

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1980 Children Book  – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 8

Suddenly, Tom and Toe the tomatoes had an idea.
“When you’re ready!” said Tom.
“I’m ready!” said Toe. And like a couple of footballs they bounced off the plate and landed heavily on Crankworth’s head. Bonk! Bonk!… Ker Plonk!
“Neeoww!” squealed Crankworth going spiky all over. “It’s raining tomatoes!” And he raced out of the kitchen, sending Samuel flying as he went.

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1980 Children Book – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 9

Poor Samuel started bouncing again. Boing! Boing! Boing!
And this time he bounced so high he reached the shelf, and got stuck in the teapot’s spout. “Get out of my spout!” said the teapot sounding nasal.
“But I’m stuck!” replied Samuel from somewhere inside.
Everyone except Samuel and the teapot started giggling.
Samuel didn’t like being giggled at and he didn’t like being stuck down the teapot.
The teapot didn’t like it much either.

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1980 Children Book  – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 10

There was only one thing to do. Tom and Toe the tomatoes would have to pull him out. “On the count of three,” said Tom.
“One. Two. Three!”
And they bounced up and got hold of Samuel.

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1980 Children Book  – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 10

Tom and Toe pulled. And they pulled.
And they pulled.
So much so that Samuel got thinner and thinner and longer and longer.
Until out he popped!

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1980 Children Book – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 11

“Oh thank you!” said Samuel feeling tall. Then realised he was pretty tall.
In fact, he was probably the tallest sausage in the world.
“Time to get back,” called Engle the egg. So while Tom and Toe the tomatoes bounced off in front, Samuel wobbled along slowly
behind.
Suddenly being tall took a bit of getting used to.

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1980 Children Book  – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 12

The two tomatoes easily bounced back onto the plate, but, even before Samuel could try, he found he now had another problem.
A bigger problem.
Becoming tall and thin had cost Samuel his bounce. He found he couldn’t bounce any more.
“My bounce!” he wailed. “I’ve lost my bounce and now I’ll never get back.” And he started to get quite upset.

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1980 Children Book – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 13

“Don’t get upset,” called Braden the bacon. “I’ve an idea. Just stand there and think very tall.”
So while Samuel thought of very tall things like giants, giraffes and chimneys, Braden spoke to the others.
“Hold on to me tightly and I’ll lean over and pull Sam up,” he said.
The trouble was, he couldn’t quite reach.
“Think of something really tall Sam,” he called.

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1980 Children Book  – Samuel The Sliding Sausage Page 14

“Like Blackpool Tower?” replied Samuel. And that did the trick.
Thinking of something very tall had made Samuel just that tiny bit taller. Braden could now reach him and he managed to haul Samuel back onto the plate. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
“Errr… was that a bacon joke when you said ‘lean’ over?” asked Engle the egg. And they all laughed…
… but not so they fell off the plate!

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Samuel The Sliding Sausage Vintage 1980s Book

If you enjoyed Samuel’s story, please share his 1980s book so others can find and read it too. Thanks.

About Samuel – Samuel is with his friends who are telling jokes. Samuel laughs and laughs so much that he falls off the plate and lands on the floor.  He tries bouncing to get back up but can’t quite manage it just as a Crankworth the cat strolls in and looks greedily at poor helpless Samuel. Read the updated Granny Annie stories.

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